


How to Train Your Dogchild

by CeceRose



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Family Feels, Gen, M/M, Pets, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:41:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21698656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeceRose/pseuds/CeceRose
Summary: The 99th precinct's K-9 unit assigns Captain Holt's team with training a newly-selected puppy to prepare her for more intense, police dog training. However, Holt does not want this responsibility due to family issues and foists the job onto Terry. Having no prior experience in dog training, Terry tries to discipline her the way he would a child. Meanwhile, the rest of the team sets out to fix their captain's strange behavior.
Relationships: Charles Boyle & Rosa Diaz, Charles Boyle & Rosa Diaz & Jake Peralta & Amy Santiago, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, Kevin Cozner/Ray Holt, Ray Holt & Terry Jeffords, Terry Jeffords & Cagney Jeffords & Lacy Jeffords, Terry Jeffords & Original Character
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was the first draft of a spec script I planned to use as an entry into the Universal Animation Writers program.

FADE IN.

INT. CAPTAIN RAYMOND HOLT’S OFFICE—MORNING

SGT. TERRY JEFFORDS enters the office of CPT. RAYMOND HOLT. Holt sits at his desk, holding a German shepherd puppy on a short leash. The puppy is unruly. It bites and tugs on the leash impatiently. Holt ignores it, looking away when it yelps at him, demanding attention. Terry narrows his eyes confusedly at the whole scene.

TERRY

You wanted to see me, Captain?

HOLT

Yes, Sergeant, come in.

Terry closes the office door behind him.

I have with me a small dog.

TERRY

Oh, I didn’t see it there.

HOLT

It has been selected as a viable candidate for the precinct’s K-9 unit, but first it has to learn basic training.

TERRY

Why do you keep saying “it?”

HOLT

Why would I need to address it with a gendered humanized pronoun? Dogs don’t adhere to the human social construct of gender or pronouns. That’s why people generally refer to animals with it/its pronouns if they are unaware of the sex of said animal.

TERRY

Man, just stop calling the dog “it,” please!

HOLT

Well, if you must know, her name is Zelda, and the K-9 unit has asked me to train her in basic behavioral components until she is fit to enter the K-9 training program.

TERRY

So you’re gonna train this dog? That’s cool.

HOLT

No. You’re gonna train this dog.

TERRY

What? Why me? I don’t know anything about dogs! Why don’t you ask Boyle or Diaz to do it?

HOLT

This dog needs to be familiarized with children and innocent civilians before she learns to identify hardened criminals. Your family is the model nuclear family so I’m assigning you to take Zelda home and train her in basic obedience.

TERRY

Come on, man, I got three kids! Why can’t you train her?

HOLT

Stop running the precinct to train a dog? I’m a captain! Do you have any idea how much work I have to do? Now take this dog and go home. There are no dogs allowed in the precinct.

Holt brusquely forces the leash into Terry’s palm and leads him and Zelda out the door. Terry gawks at him incredulously. He mouths, “What?” and cocks his head.

CUT TO:

OPENING SEQUENCE

CUT TO:

INT. THE 99th PRECINCT—DAY

Holt sits in the break room, eating a sandwich. DETECTIVE JAKE PERALTA and SGT. AMY SANTIAGO enter.

AMY

Hi, Captain, we noticed you let SGT. Jeffords go home early… like, really early. What’s the deal? Oh no… Are you dismissing the sergeants early today? Is this a punishment? Did we do something wrong?

Amy begins to panic.

I knew I should’ve double-checked the Brooklyn Sergeants’ Code of Conduct. They’re always subject to change!

HOLT

I’m not sending all sergeants home early. Only Sgt. Jeffords. He has a new assignment. He’s training one of the small dogs chosen to work in the K-9 unit.

JAKE

Oh, that’s weird, why’d you pick Terry to train him? Don’t you have a dog? You’d have more experience.

HOLT

Not anymore. Unfortunately, Cheddar passed away this weekend.

AMY

I’m so sorry to hear that. Why didn’t you tell us earlier?

Holt grows irritated.

HOLT

I’m not obligated to reveal every single tragic event that occurs in my personal life right as it happens!

JAKE

What’s the problem? We just thought Cheddar dying would be something you’d tell us about.

Holt abruptly stands up from the table where he sits. Jake and Amy look on, surprised, as he stalks over to the garbage can and tosses away the rest of his sandwich.

HOLT

I gave the assignment to Jeffords so that the dog will learn to protect innocent civilians… Also because just because I used to own a pet, corgi, doesn’t mean I have any interest in preparing a police dog to catch criminals.

His voice has an edge to it. He quickly disposes of his emptied plate in the sink and leaves the room.

AMY

Well that was weird.

JAKE

I know. Maybe we should throw Cheddar some sort of memorial, something that’ll force Holt to confront his grief.

AMY

No, Jake. He needs to be left alone to grieve.

Jake is taken aback.

JAKE

What? I’d expect you to be the one rallying everyone together to help Holt along on his personal journey.

AMY

If Holt doesn’t wanna talk about it, why should we force him? How would it feel if someone rubbed your parents’ dysfunctional marriage in your face?

Amy strides toward the door. Jake follows her, indignant.

JAKE

It doesn’t feel great when your own wife does it!

CUT TO:

INT. THE JEFFORDS’ RESIDENCE—DAY

The front door opens and Terry and Zelda walk in. His twin daughters are at school, baby Ava at nursery, and his wife at work.

TERRY

Okay, Zelda. We only have a few hours before my girls’ bus drops them off. Hopefully you’ll know how to sit before-

The leash swings loosely from his hand, half of it has been torn off. Terry turns around just in time to see Zelda lift her leg next to a nearby potted plant.

No! Get away from there!

Terry rushes toward the scene, distracting Zelda, who runs into the living room.

Hey! Wait! Zelda, stay! Zelda, come here.

Zelda does none of these things. Terry looks down at the hardwood floor and sighs at the claw marks etched onto it. He grimaces before hurrying after the dog.

CUT TO:

INT. THE 99th PRECINCT—AFTERNOON

Terry rushes out of the elevator, Zelda’s torn leash in hand. Holt exits his office just in time to notice. He approaches him.

HOLT

Sergeant, what are you doing back at the precinct? I thought I sent you home until you were finished training that dog.

TERRY

I’m sorry, Captain, but I told you I don’t know how to- Wait a minute, aren’t you wondering where Zelda is at?

HOLT

Well, you didn’t leave that dog in a hot car, did you?

TERRY

No, but-

HOLT

Then the real question is why aren’t you training it?

TERRY

Her.

HOLT

Why aren’t you training her?

TERRY

You know, for a caring dog-owner, you don’t seem to care about a dog that was originally meant for you.

Holt has a startled look on his face. Terry doesn’t seem to notice. He looks like he is about to speak but Terry cuts him off.

Anyway, she’s waiting down in the lobby because dogs aren’t allowed in the precinct, remember?

HOLT

They’re not allowed in the lobby, either.

TERRY

I came here to ask for your help. If you don’t wanna train the dog yourself, at least gimme some pointers as someone with experience.

Holt grows the slightest bit impatient but doesn’t show it.

HOLT

Sergeant, I wouldn’t have given you this assignment if I didn’t think it would be easy for you. And you’re never one to sell yourself short. You have kids and you taught them to behave. Why is this so hard?

Terry looks thoughtful.

TERRY

I guess you’re right. If I can handle twins and a baby, there’s no reason why one dog is any different! Thanks, Captain. I shouldn’t’ve doubted you.

Terry disappears back behind the elevator doors.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE JEFFORDS’ RESIDENCE—BACKYARD

Terry attempts to get Zelda’s attention, but she is too busy shoving her snout into the various nooks and crannies of this new place.

TERRY

Zelda, come here. Zelda.

Terry calls for her helplessly. He makes himself dizzy, trying to follow her as she sniffs circles around him. He points to a spot in the grass in front of him.

Sit. Right there.

Zelda doesn’t listen to him. Instead she runs over to a growing flowerbed and starts digging.

See, Zelda, that’s bad. Come back from there! If you don’t come back right now on the count of three, I’ll be very angry. Okay, I’m gonna start counting now. One… Two… Three!

Zelda ignores him and tears clumps of dirt and flowers out of the flowerbed, creating a sizable hole.

Seriously? I never get to three with Cagney and Lacey.

He rushes over to the flowerbed and pulls Zelda away from it. He looks down and forlornly observes the damage done.

Now you’ve done it! Zelda, as punishment for ruining the rose bed, you’re gonna spend the next few minutes replanting everything you dug up. Stay put while I go get a shovel.

He walks toward the tool shed, muttering to himself.

Maybe this way you’ll learn to respect your host’s property!

When he returns, holding a shovel, Zelda has already moved onto Cagney and Lacey’s sandbox.

Oh, well I guess there’s no way you can cause trouble if you’re just playin’ in a sandbox.

Terry watches in horror as Zelda squats down and begins to defecate. Terry frantically runs to the sandbox. However, by the time he reaches her, she’s already finished. Before she can run off again, Terry grabs her and raises his hand as if to spank her. He hesitates.

No. I would never do this to one of my daughters. But if I can’t scare you into behaving, then what can I do?

Zelda looks up at him fearfully. This time, when he releases her, she doesn’t run off. She instead curls in on herself with her tail between her legs, snarls, and snaps at him. This makes Terry indignant.

Hey, I said I wasn’t gonna spank you! You don’t have to be rude about it!

Zelda lets out a shrill bark.

That’s it. You’re going to the timeout corner.

He brings her back inside and points to the corner of the room.

Sit there and think about what you did!

The muffled sound of an engine sounds from outside. Terry glances out the window to see a school bus pull away from in front of the house. Giggles and eager footsteps are emit from behind the front door.

I gotta go let my girls inside. You’re not allowed away from that spot until I say.

He walks away to open the door. Zelda stays where she is but begins to drag her rear across the carpet. Terry lets CAGNEY and LACEY inside the house. They both excitedly squeal and jump up to hug him.

How were my favorite girls in class today? What did you learn?

LACEY

We learned-

She is cut off by Zelda’s shrill bark and more scraping across the hardwood floor to greet the children.

TERRY

Darn it, Zelda! I told you to stay in the corner!

CAGNEY AND LACEY

Puppy!

Cagney and Lacey drop their schoolbags and excitedly prance around the room with Zelda. Terry follows them, gradually growing more exhausted as time goes on. He leans against the doorway as he watches them all play.

TERRY

Girls, this is Zelda. We’re gonna be taking care of her for the next few days.

Zelda’s nose finds its way to Cagney’s pocket. She bites onto something and begins to pull it out of her pocket. Terry wags his finger at her.

Zelda, what did I say about biting our friends? And you don’t steal from your friends either. Ask her nicely if she would like to share.

Zelda continues to yank the object fully out of Cagney’s pocket, revealing it to be her cow blanket, Moo Moo.

CAGNEY

Hey! Give that back!

Cagney grabs hold of Moo Moo as she and Zelda begin to fight over it. Cagney is clearly irritated, throwing a fit and shouting for her toy to be released while Zelda obliviously believes it is a game. Terry tries to interfere and get Zelda to let go to no avail. Suddenly, a ripping of fabric sounds. Everyone watches in horror as Zelda tears Moo Moo in half out of Cagney’s hands. Cagney begins to scream and cry. Terry picks up the shredded pieces of Moo Moo and kneels down beside Cagney.

TERRY

Hey, hey. It’s alright, Daddy will fix it.

Cagney calms a little bit at this. Terry warily glances over his shoulder at Zelda who cocks her head, completely clueless as to what she has just done.

CUT TO:

INT. THE 99th PRECINCT—THE NEXT DAY

Jake, Terry with Zelda on a new leash, DECTECTIVE ROSA DIAZ, Amy, and DETECTIVE CHARLES BOYLE are all gathered in the breakroom. They all stare inquisitively at Zelda. Her claws scrape more marks on the shiny, tile floor and she pulls on the leash.

AMY

You said you’ve tried everything?

TERRY

Yes! But no matter what I do, nothing seems to work. And Holt won’t give the assignment to anybody else!

JAKE

I still think we should try one last time to convince Holt to take on the assignment.

Amy shakes her head.

AMY

And I still think we shouldn’t be pushing that envelope so soon after…

She eyes Jake and Jake looks away in disagreement.

ROSA

What’ve you tried to far?

TERRY

Let’s see. I’ve tried asking nicely.

ROSA

You can’t ask dogs to do things because dogs are supposed to ask you what to do. Also because they can’t understand human language. What else did you try?

TERRY

Well, I tried putting her in timeout, but that didn’t work.

CHARLES

Did she stay there?

TERRY

No.

CHARLES

See, you can’t tell a puppy to stay put and expect it to behave.

TERRY

I also tried to teach her responsibility by having her put the roses and dirt back in the flower bed.

ROSA

Are you stupid or something? Dogs don’t have opposable thumbs!

TERRY

I offered her food if she would just stop pissing on my furniture.

AMY

Why the hell would you reward her for desecrating your property?

TERRY

And when she broke my daughter’s Moo Moo, I tried to instill in her the values of sharing.

JAKE

Dammit, Terry, I’ve never owned a dog in my life and even I know it’s against a dog’s religion to share!

TERRY

Okay! You don’t have to be so condescending about it. I told you Captain Holt refuses to help me and trying to figure this out on my own has been rough. I thought if I asked other people who have experience with dogs, it’d help, but I guess no one is interested, so I guess I’ll just go back home. Come on, Zelda.

Terry begins to gather his things together and motions for Zelda to come along. However, when he looks to her, he sees her lift her leg on the couch. Everyone else groans in disgust.

Come on, Zelda!

DETECTIVE MICHAEL HITCHCOCK and DETECTIVE NORM SCULLY walk in just in time to see. They do not take it well.

HITCHCOCK

Dammit, Zelda!

CUT TO:

Jake, Amy, and Charles all sitting back at their desks with defeated looks on their faces.

CHARLES

Well that was a complete waste of time. It looks like we really do need the Captain for this one.

JAKE

Well what do we do? You head Terry. Holt is actively avoiding getting involved. And Serge here doesn’t seem to think it’s a good idea to talk to him.

Jake motions at Amy.

AMY

I told you we can’t be interfering with the grieving process!

Rosa walks by just as she says this. She stops short when she hears her.

CHARLES

Captain Holt is grieving?

ROSA

What?

Amy covers her mouth.

AMY

Oops… Can everyone just pretend I didn’t say that?

ROSA

Jake, what the hell is she talking about?

JAKE

What? You didn’t hear? Cheddar just died, that’s the whole reason Holt gave Zelda to Terry. He can’t bring himself to look at another dog.

ROSA CHARLES

What? What?

Rosa and Charles share a knowing look. Charles gets up from his desk. They both start to walk away.

AMY

Where are you guys going?

Charles looks over his shoulder.

CHARLES

Sorry, only dog-owners would know how to handle this.

CUT TO:

INT. CAPTAIN HOLT’S OFFICE

Holt sits at his desk, focusing on his work. Charles and Rosa enter. Holt looks up at them, perplexed.

HOLT

Detectives, is there a problem?

ROSA

We don’t have a problem, but we do have something we need you to see.

The two of them separate to reveal PROFESSOR KEVIN COZNER behind them. Kevin walks up to Holt’s desk.

KEVIN

Hello, Raymond.

HOLT

Kevin? What are you doing here?

He glares at Rosa and Charles.

This is a setup!

KEVIN

I know our family issues have been interfering with your work.

HOLT

You told him?

CHARLES

Sorry, Captain. We had to. With Terry so distracted with Zelda, we’re all stuck with his share of the paperwork. We know you don’t wanna think about dogs, but you need to take Zelda back from Terry.

ROSA

We’ll leave you two alone.

Rosa and Charles exit the room, leaving Holt and Kevin alone.

KEVIN

You didn’t tell your coworkers about Cheddar?

HOLT

I only told Santiago and Peralta so that they’d get off my back. But they had to go and tell everyone else in the precinct.

KEVIN

Does Sergeant Jeffords know?

HOLT

I have no idea. I sent him home. There are no dogs allowed in the precinct after Cheddar snuck into the break room and ate Santiago and Peralta’s wedding cake.

They both chuckle at the memory. Then there are a few beats of silence.

KEVIN

All your detectives loved Cheddar. It’s not fair not to tell them. And it wasn’t fair for you to project your feelings of loss onto the new police dog nor was it fair for you to leave her with Sergeant Jeffords, a man with absolutely no experience in dog handling whatsoever!

HOLT

You’re probably right. I even told him to treat the dog the same way he treats his children.

He snickers.

KEVIN

Raymond! You know you can’t treat dogs like children. They can’t understand human languages.

HOLT

I know! It’s ridiculous what I said.

They the chuckle before falling silent once again. After a while Holt sighs.

I should probably call Jeffords so I can take back Zelda. I’d train her myself, but she’s just a puppy. She doesn’t know anything. Cheddar was always so well-behaved. Maybe I’ll give the assignment to Diaz or Boyle instead.

CUT TO:

Terry and Zelda now taking Kevin’s place in Holt’s office.

TERRY

I wanna keep this assignment.

HOLT

Excuse me?

TERRY

Diaz and Boyle are giving me a lot of really useful tips. And by useful, I mean they’re pointing out all the things I’m doing wrong and telling me not to do those things. I think I really know what I’m doing now. I feel like I can tame any animal on the planet!

Holt’s tone is flat.

HOLT

Your family got attached to the dog, didn’t they?

TERRY

They’ll never forgive me if I give her up.

Holt rises from his desk. He takes his coat from the hanger and puts it on. He goes to exit, motioning for Terry and whistling for Zelda to come along. Zelda’s ears perk at the whistle and she watches intently as Holt goes. All her attention is transfixed on him. All Terry has to do is give a slight tug to her leash and she begins calmly trotting after Holt. Terry’s eyebrows shoot upward in surprise. He hurries after Holt.

She actually followed you when you whistled! How did you do that?

Holt looks over his shoulder without making eye contact with Zelda a single time.

HOLT

Who do you think trained Cheddar all those fancy tricks he didn’t get to perform at Peraltiago’s wedding?

Terry nods in agreement. It’s a good point. The dog and two men exit onto the rooftop balcony.

TERRY

It was also a good suggestion to walk her ‘round the block before bringing her into your office. Before, she would pee on everything.

HOLT

If you just follow my exact instructions and pay attention to Zelda’s own signals, you’ll learn the ropes of dog training. Let’s start with teaching her how to behave on a leash.

Zelda is once again trying to tear apart her new leash by chewing on it. Holt claps his hands together. The noise is so loud, it makes Terry jump and it echoes off the city buildings. It sends a flock of pigeons flapping in the opposite direction. But most importantly, it snaps Zelda’s attention away from her leash and onto Holt. Terry mumbles to himself.

TERRY

That’s amazing.

He is snapped out of his mesmerized state by Holt tossing a bag of dog treats at him. He catches it reflexively.

HOLT

Quick, give her a dog biscuit.

Terry digs through the bag and tosses a biscuit to Zelda.

Good girl, Zelda. You see, you have to reward her immediately after she does what you want her to do.

Zelda now sits at Terry’s feet, looking up at him.

Look at that. She’s not interested in the leash at all. She’s awaiting your instructions now. Give her a command.

Holt nods encouragingly at the bag of treats in Terry’s hand. Terry looks at the bag of treats briefly before motioning for Zelda to follow him.

TERRY

Zelda! Come this way!

He drops the leash and walks away from her to the other side of the roof. She eagerly follows him.

Good girl!

He throws her another treat which she gobbles up eagerly.

HOLT

I won’t say it’ll be easy, but as long as you stay on her level, she’ll listen to you.

They regroup back at the center of the balcony.

TERRY

Captain, Kevin told me about Cheddar. I’m sorry if I said anything insensitive. I had no idea what happened and I was really struggling for your help in training Zelda. That’s why I kept bugging you.

HOLT

And I apologize for giving you an assignment you had no training for. I knew if I gave Zelda to Diaz or Boyle, they’d ask too many questions. And now it seems you want to continue training her?

TERRY

I do. Also, I don’t think I’d be able to give her to anyone else at this point.

HOLT

Why not? Because you’ve grown so attached to her you can’t bear the thought of parting ways?

TERRY

Uh, no, because my girls will never talk to me again if I come home without her.

HOLT

A valid reason to complete the training. I’ll tell the K-9 unit you’ll continue training Zelda until she’s fit to take the entry exam.

TERRY

Thank you, Captain. I guess that means we should be going. Come on, Zelda. I should explain to Cagney why you still won’t apologize for ripping Moo Moo.

They return indoors. Terry leaves while Holt makes his way back to his office. Rose, Charles, Amy, and Jake stand huddled together across the way, watching.

AMY

Do you think he noticed we went in there when he was out on the roof?

JAKE

I don’t think he noticed much of anything. He’s been so off lately. He left his office door wide open. I had no idea Cheddar’s death would affect him so much.

ROSA CHARLES

We did. We did.

CUT TO:

INT. CAPTAIN HOLT’S OFFICE

Holt enters.

HOLT

Why did I leave this open?

He spots something on his desk.

Santiago, did you leave me another gift without my permission again?

He walks up to the desk to get a closer look. A single block of cheddar cheese sits on a plate in front of a floral-framed photo of the 99th precinct with Cheddar. Amy’s meek voice sounds from behind him.

AMY

Surprise…

Holt turns around to see her, Jake, Charles, and Rosa all standing in the doorway. Holt points to Amy and Jake.

HOLT

You.

JAKE

We… made you this lovely picture frame!

CHARLES

The cheese is from me! Although you probably should put it in the fridge. It’s been sitting on that plate in your office since you went outside.

HOLT

You told everyone about a dead family member whose mortality status I did not give you permission to disclose.

AMY

…So that we could make you a lovely picture frame!

HOLT

I specifically withheld that information from Detectives Diaz and Boyle.

ROSA

Come on, Captain. Your personal life was affecting your work life. Cheddar was a good dog. We just wanted to show how much we appreciated him.

Holt takes another moment to observe the photo. Amy speaks in a lowered voice.

AMY

Do you think he likes our gift? Oh no! He hates it! I knew we should have stayed out of his personal life for this one!

Holt glances back behind him.

JAKE

To be fair, Santiago was the one who warned us not to get involved.

HOLT

Oh no, I appreciate the gesture. But I physically can’t keep the cheese. It’s already stinking up my office. Sorry, Detective Boyle.

Charles bows his head.

CHARLES

I understand, Captain.

Holt goes to drop the cheese in the trash.

Wait!

Charles takes it from him before he can throw it out.

Actually, if you’re not gonna keep it, I’d like to.

Holt gives him a look.

CUT TO:

INT. THE JEFFORDS’ BACKYARD—THE NEXT AFTERNOON

Cagney, Lacey, and Cagney and Lacey’s babysitter, JOSH, watch Terry practice training Zelda in their backyard. Josh holds AVA JEFFORDS in his arms. Next to him, Cagney cradles a sewn-up Moo Moo. Terry holds a treat in his hand behind him. Zelda sits in front of him, staring at his face.

TERRY

Zelda, roll over.

Zelda does as she’s told. Terry gives her the treat.

Good girl! Lacey, you try it. This time, we’ll see if she’ll do it without the promise of a treat.

He waves Lacey over who takes Terry’s place in front of Zelda.

LACEY

Zelda!

Zelda’s attention immediately snaps to Lacey.

Roll over.

Zelda rolls over.

Good girl!

Lacey and Zelda embrace excitedly. Cagney neatly folds Moo Moo and places it out of Zelda’s reach before hurrying over to join her sister. Meanwhile, Terry makes a phone call to Holt.

CUT TO:

INT. HOLT’S OFFICE

Holt picks up the phone.

HOLT

Sergeant Jeffords! How’s it going with Zelda?

CUT TO:

TERRY—OTHER END

TERRY

It’s going great, Captain! She’s listening to everyone, even the babysitter! I’m actually getting a little worried she’s too nice to be a police dog now.

CUT TO:

HOLT—OTHER END

HOLT

Well, we’ll see. Bring her to the precinct tomorrow. I’ll tell the K-9 unit that she’s finished her obedience training, so come prepared to show off what she can do.

CUT TO:

TERRY—OTHER END

TERRY

Will do, Captain. This is exciting! I can’t wait to show you guys how well-behaved she is!

CUT TO:

HOLT—OTHER END

HOLT

I’m proud of you, Sergeant. I know you didn’t feel prepared to take on the training, but one of the reasons I gave you the job is because you can adapt to most everything.

CUT TO:

TERRY—OTHER END

TERRY

Oh. I thought it was because you didn’t wanna train a dog that reminded you of Cheddar.

CUT TO:

HOLT—OTHER END

HOLT

It can be because of multiple things, Sergeant Jeffords.

CUT TO:

TERRY—OTHER END

TERRY

Okay, whatever you say, Captain.

He hangs up the phone and goes to join his daughters and Zelda.

CUT TO:

INT. THE 99th PRECINCT—THE NEXT DAY

OFFICER AMANDA CHIU of the K-9 unit speaks with Terry and Holt. They have handed Zelda over to her. Jake, Amy, Rosa, Charles, and Kevin all watch from afar.

AMY

So, you and the Captain considering adopting another kid?

ROSA

You still see them as dads?

CUT TO BLACK.


	2. Edited Final Draft

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have revised the original screenplay. They are functionally identical, but I did make a few slight additions. Any feedback is welcome!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added some payoff to Zelda defecating in the sandbox. I've also established an additional minor conflict to give the supporting characters more motivations. And lastly, I've completed the closing freudian slip scene that I had no clue how to close in the first draft.

FADE IN.

INT. CAPTAIN RAYMOND HOLT’S OFFICE—MORNING

SGT. TERRY JEFFORDS enters the office of CPT. RAYMOND HOLT. Holt sits at his desk, holding a German shepherd puppy on a short leash. The puppy is unruly. It bites and tugs on the leash impatiently. Holt ignores it, looking away when it yelps at him, demanding attention. Terry narrows his eyes confusedly at the whole scene.

TERRY

You wanted to see me, Captain?

HOLT

Yes, Sergeant, come in.

Terry closes the office door behind him.

I have with me a small dog.

TERRY

Oh, I didn’t see it there.

HOLT

It has been selected as a viable candidate for the precinct’s K-9 unit, but first it has to learn basic training.

TERRY

Why do you keep saying “it?”

HOLT

Why would I need to address it with a gendered humanized pronoun? Dogs don’t adhere to the human social construct of gender or pronouns. That’s why people generally refer to animals with it/its pronouns if they are unaware of the sex of said animal.

TERRY

Man, just stop calling the dog “it,” please!

HOLT

Well, if you must know, her name is Zelda, and the K-9 unit has asked me to train her in basic behavioral components until she is fit to enter the K-9 training program.

TERRY

So you’re gonna train this dog? That’s cool.

HOLT

No. You’re gonna train this dog.

TERRY

What? Why me? I don’t know anything about dogs! Why don’t you ask Boyle or Diaz to do it?

HOLT

This dog needs to be familiarized with children and innocent civilians before she learns to identify hardened criminals. Your family is the model nuclear family so I’m assigning you to take Zelda home and train her in basic obedience.

TERRY

Come on, man, I got three kids! Why can’t you train her?

HOLT

Stop running the precinct to train a dog? I’m a captain! Do you have any idea how much work I have to do? Now take this dog and go home. There are no dogs allowed in the precinct.

Holt brusquely forces the leash into Terry’s palm and leads him and Zelda out the door. Terry gawks at him incredulously. He mouths, “What?” and cocks his head.

CUT TO:

OPENING SEQUENCE

CUT TO:

INT. THE 99th PRECINCT—DAY

Holt sits in the break room, eating a sandwich. DETECTIVE JAKE PERALTA and SGT. AMY SANTIAGO enter.

AMY

Hi, Captain, we noticed you let SGT. Jeffords go home early… like, really early. What’s the deal? Oh no… Are you dismissing the sergeants early today? Is this a punishment? Did we do something wrong?

Amy begins to panic.

I knew I should’ve double-checked the Brooklyn Sergeants’ Code of Conduct. They’re always subject to change!

HOLT

I’m not sending all sergeants home early. Only Sgt. Jeffords. He has a new assignment. He’s training one of the small dogs chosen to work in the K-9 unit.

JAKE

Oh, that’s weird, why’d you pick Terry to train him? Don’t you have a dog? You’d have more experience.

HOLT

Not anymore. Unfortunately, Cheddar passed away this weekend.

AMY

I’m so sorry to hear that. Why didn’t you tell us earlier?

Holt grows irritated.

HOLT

I’m not obligated to reveal every single tragic event that occurs in my personal life right as it happens!

JAKE

What’s the problem? We just thought Cheddar dying would be something you’d tell us about.

Holt abruptly stands up from the table where he sits. Jake and Amy look on, surprised, as he stalks over to the garbage can and tosses away the rest of his sandwich.

HOLT

I gave the assignment to Jeffords so that the dog will learn to protect innocent civilians… Also because just because I used to own a pet, corgi, doesn’t mean I have any interest in preparing a police dog to catch criminals.

His voice has an edge to it. He quickly disposes of his emptied plate in the sink and leaves the room. He sticks his head back in the doorway.

By the way, Jeffords working from home means the rest of you will be responsible for his share of the paperwork until the dog is trained. So I suggest you stop badgering your superiors and get to work.

With that, he is gone.

AMY

Well that was weird.

JAKE

I know. Maybe we should throw Cheddar some sort of memorial, something that’ll force Holt to confront his grief.

AMY

No, Jake. He needs to be left alone to grieve.

Jake is taken aback.

JAKE

What? I’d expect you to be the one rallying everyone together to help Holt along on his personal journey.

AMY

If Holt doesn’t wanna talk about it, why should we force him? How would it feel if someone rubbed your parents’ dysfunctional marriage in your face?

Amy strides toward the door. Jake follows her, indignant.

JAKE

It doesn’t feel great when your own wife does it!

CUT TO:

INT. THE JEFFORDS’ RESIDENCE—DAY

The front door opens and Terry and Zelda walk in. His twin daughters are at school, baby Ava at nursery, and his wife at work.

TERRY

Okay, Zelda. We only have a few hours before my girls’ bus drops them off. Hopefully you’ll know how to sit before-

The leash swings loosely from his hand, half of it has been torn off. Terry turns around just in time to see Zelda lift her leg next to a nearby potted plant.

No! Get away from there!

Terry rushes toward the scene, distracting Zelda, who runs into the living room.

Hey! Wait! Zelda, stay! Zelda, come here.

Zelda does none of these things. Terry looks down at the hardwood floor and sighs at the claw marks etched onto it. He grimaces before hurrying after the dog.

CUT TO:

INT. THE 99th PRECINCT—AFTERNOON

Terry rushes out of the elevator, Zelda’s torn leash in hand. Holt exits his office just in time to notice. He approaches him.

HOLT

Sergeant, what are you doing back at the precinct? I thought I sent you home until you were finished training that dog.

TERRY

I’m sorry, Captain, but I told you I don’t know how to- Wait a minute, aren’t you wondering where Zelda is at?

HOLT

Well, you didn’t leave that dog in a hot car, did you?

TERRY

No, but-

HOLT

Then the real question is why aren’t you training it?

TERRY

Her.

HOLT

Why aren’t you training her?

TERRY

You know, for a caring dog-owner, you don’t seem to care about a dog that was originally meant for you.

Holt has a startled look on his face. Terry doesn’t seem to notice. He looks like he is about to speak but Terry cuts him off.

Anyway, she’s waiting down in the lobby because dogs aren’t allowed in the precinct, remember?

HOLT

They’re not allowed in the lobby, either.

TERRY

I came here to ask for your help. If you don’t wanna train the dog yourself, at least gimme some pointers as someone with experience.

Holt grows the slightest bit impatient but doesn’t show it.

HOLT

Sergeant, I wouldn’t have given you this assignment if I didn’t think it would be easy for you. And you’re never one to sell yourself short. You have kids and you taught them to behave. Why is this so hard?

Terry looks thoughtful.

TERRY

I guess you’re right. If I can handle twins and a baby, there’s no reason why one dog is any different! Thanks, Captain. I shouldn’t’ve doubted you.

Terry disappears back behind the elevator doors.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE JEFFORDS’ RESIDENCE—BACKYARD

Terry attempts to get Zelda’s attention, but she is too busy shoving her snout into the various nooks and crannies of this new place.

TERRY

Zelda, come here. Zelda.

Terry calls for her helplessly. He makes himself dizzy, trying to follow her as she sniffs circles around him. He points to a spot in the grass in front of him.

Sit. Right there.

Zelda doesn’t listen to him. Instead she runs over to a growing flowerbed and starts digging.

See, Zelda, that’s bad. Come back from there! If you don’t come back right now on the count of three, I’ll be very angry. Okay, I’m gonna start counting now. One… Two… Three!

Zelda ignores him and tears clumps of dirt and flowers out of the flowerbed, creating a sizable hole.

Seriously? I never get to three with Cagney and Lacey.

He rushes over to the flowerbed and pulls Zelda away from it. He looks down and forlornly observes the damage done.

Now you’ve done it! Zelda, as punishment for ruining the rose bed, you’re gonna spend the next few minutes replanting everything you dug up. Stay put while I go get a shovel.

He walks toward the tool shed, muttering to himself.

Maybe this way you’ll learn to respect your host’s property!

When he returns, holding a shovel, Zelda has already moved onto Cagney and Lacey’s sandbox.

Oh, well I guess there’s no way you can cause trouble if you’re just playin’ in a sandbox.

Terry watches in horror as Zelda squats down and begins to defecate. Terry frantically runs to the sandbox. However, by the time he reaches her, she’s already finished. Before she can run off again, Terry grabs her and raises his hand as if to spank her. He hesitates.

No. I would never do this to one of my daughters. But if I can’t scare you into behaving, then what can I do?

Zelda looks up at him fearfully. This time, when he releases her, she doesn’t run off. She instead curls in on herself with her tail between her legs, snarls, and snaps at him. This makes Terry indignant.

Hey, I said I wasn’t gonna spank you! You don’t have to be rude about it!

Zelda lets out a shrill bark.

That’s it. You’re going to the timeout corner.

He brings her back inside and points to the corner of the room.

Sit there and think about what you did!

The muffled sound of an engine sounds from outside. Terry glances out the window to see a school bus pull away from in front of the house. Giggles and eager footsteps are emit from behind the front door.

I gotta go let my girls inside. You’re not allowed away from that spot until I say.

He walks away to open the door. Zelda stays where she is but begins to drag her rear across the carpet. Terry lets CAGNEY and LACEY inside the house. They both excitedly squeal and jump up to hug him.

How were my favorite girls in class today? What did you learn?

LACEY

We learned-

She is cut off by Zelda’s shrill bark and more scraping across the hardwood floor to greet the children.

TERRY

Darn it, Zelda! I told you to stay in the corner!

CAGNEY AND LACEY

Puppy!

Cagney and Lacey drop their schoolbags and excitedly prance around the room with Zelda. Terry follows them, gradually growing more exhausted as time goes on. He leans against the doorway as he watches them all play.

TERRY

Girls, this is Zelda. We’re gonna be taking care of her for the next few days.

Zelda’s nose finds its way to Cagney’s pocket. She bites onto something and begins to pull it out of her pocket. Terry wags his finger at her.

Zelda, what did I say about biting our friends? And you don’t steal from your friends either. Ask her nicely if she would like to share.

Zelda continues to yank the object fully out of Cagney’s pocket, revealing it to be her cow blanket, Moo Moo.

CAGNEY

Hey! Give that back!

Cagney grabs hold of Moo Moo as she and Zelda begin to fight over it. Cagney is clearly irritated, throwing a fit and shouting for her toy to be released while Zelda obliviously believes it is a game. Terry tries to interfere and get Zelda to let go to no avail. Suddenly, a ripping of fabric sounds. Everyone watches in horror as Zelda tears Moo Moo in half out of Cagney’s hands. Cagney begins to scream and cry. Terry picks up the shredded pieces of Moo Moo and kneels down beside Cagney.

TERRY

Hey, hey. It’s alright, Daddy will fix it.

Cagney calms a little bit at this. Terry warily glances over his shoulder at Zelda who cocks her head, completely clueless as to what she has just done.

CUT TO:

INT. THE 99th PRECINCT—THE NEXT DAY

Jake, Terry with Zelda on a new leash, DECTECTIVE ROSA DIAZ, Amy, and DETECTIVE CHARLES BOYLE are all gathered in the breakroom. They all stare inquisitively at Zelda. Her claws scrape more marks on the shiny, tile floor and she pulls on the leash.

AMY

You said you’ve tried everything?

TERRY

Yes! But no matter what I do, nothing seems to work. And Holt won’t give the assignment to anybody else!

JAKE

I still think we should try one last time to convince Holt to take on the assignment.

Amy shakes her head.

AMY

And I still think we shouldn’t be pushing that envelope so soon after…

She eyes Jake and Jake looks away in disagreement.

ROSA

What’ve you tried to far?

TERRY

Let’s see. I’ve tried asking nicely.

ROSA

You can’t ask dogs to do things because dogs are supposed to ask you what to do. Also because they can’t understand human language. What else did you try?

TERRY

Well, I tried putting her in timeout, but that didn’t work.

CHARLES

Did she stay there?

TERRY

No.

CHARLES

See, you can’t tell a puppy to stay put and expect it to behave.

TERRY

I also tried to teach her responsibility by having her put the roses and dirt back in the flower bed.

ROSA

Are you stupid or something? Dogs don’t have opposable thumbs!

TERRY

I offered her food if she would just stop pissing on my furniture.

AMY

Why the hell would you reward her for desecrating your property?

TERRY

And when she broke my daughter’s Moo Moo, I tried to instill in her the values of sharing.

JAKE

Dammit, Terry, I’ve never owned a dog in my life and even I know it’s against a dog’s religion to share!

TERRY

Okay! You don’t have to be so condescending about it. I told you Captain Holt refuses to help me and trying to figure this out on my own has been rough. I thought if I asked other people who have experience with dogs, it’d help, but I guess no one is interested, so I guess I’ll just go back home. Come on, Zelda.

Terry begins to gather his things together and motions for Zelda to come along. However, when he looks to her, he sees her lift her leg on the couch. Everyone else groans in disgust.

Come on, Zelda!

DETECTIVE MICHAEL HITCHCOCK and DETECTIVE NORM SCULLY walk in just in time to see. They do not take it well.

HITCHCOCK

Dammit, Zelda!

CUT TO:

Jake, Amy, and Charles all sitting back at their desks with defeated looks on their faces. There are tall stacks of paperwork covering every single desk.

CHARLES

Well that was a complete waste of time. It looks like we really do need the Captain for this one.

JAKE

Well what do we do? You head Terry. Holt is actively avoiding getting involved. And Serge here doesn’t seem to think it’s a good idea to talk to him.

Jake motions at Amy.

AMY

I told you we can’t be interfering with the grieving process!

Rosa walks by just as she says this. She stops short when she hears her.

CHARLES

Captain Holt is grieving?

ROSA

What?

Amy covers her mouth.

AMY

Oops… Can everyone just pretend I didn’t say that?

ROSA

Jake, what the hell is she talking about?

JAKE

What? You didn’t hear? Cheddar just died, that’s the whole reason Holt gave Zelda to Terry. He can’t bring himself to look at another dog.

ROSA CHARLES

What? What?

Rosa and Charles share a knowing look. Charles gets up from his desk. They both start to walk away.

AMY

Where are you guys going?

Charles looks over his shoulder.

CHARLES

Sorry, only dog-owners would know how to handle this.

JAKE

You can’t just leave us with your share of Terry’s share of the paperwork!

This time, Rosa looks over her shoulder.

ROSA

What are you worried about? Amy will do it.

JAKE

That’s not fair, Rosa!

AMY

No, she’s right, Jake.

Amy eagerly grabs a hefty pile of papers from Rosa’s desk and brings it to hers.

CUT TO:

INT. CAPTAIN HOLT’S OFFICE

Holt sits at his desk, focusing on his work. Charles and Rosa enter. Holt looks up at them, perplexed.

HOLT

Detectives, is there a problem?

ROSA

We don’t have a problem, but we do have something we need you to see.

The two of them separate to reveal PROFESSOR KEVIN COZNER behind them. Kevin walks up to Holt’s desk.

KEVIN

Hello, Raymond.

HOLT

Kevin? What are you doing here?

He glares at Rosa and Charles.

This is a setup!

KEVIN

I know our family issues have been interfering with your work.

HOLT

You told him?

CHARLES

Sorry, Captain. We had to. With Terry so distracted with Zelda, we’re all stuck with his share of the paperwork. We know you don’t wanna think about dogs, but you need to take Zelda back from Terry.

ROSA

We’ll leave you two alone.

Rosa and Charles exit the room, leaving Holt and Kevin alone.

KEVIN

You didn’t tell your coworkers about Cheddar?

HOLT

I only told Santiago and Peralta so that they’d get off my back. But they had to go and tell everyone else in the precinct.

KEVIN

Does Sergeant Jeffords know?

HOLT

I have no idea. I sent him home. There are no dogs allowed in the precinct after Cheddar snuck into the break room and ate Santiago and Peralta’s wedding cake.

They both chuckle at the memory. Then there are a few beats of silence.

KEVIN

All your detectives loved Cheddar. It’s not fair not to tell them. And it wasn’t fair for you to project your feelings of loss onto the new police dog nor was it fair for you to leave her with Sergeant Jeffords, a man with absolutely no experience in dog handling whatsoever!

HOLT

You’re probably right. I even told him to treat the dog the same way he treats his children.

He snickers.

KEVIN

Raymond! You know you can’t treat dogs like children. They can’t understand human languages.

HOLT

I know! It’s ridiculous what I said.

They the chuckle before falling silent once again. After a while Holt sighs.

I should probably call Jeffords so I can take back Zelda. I’d train her myself, but she’s just a puppy. She doesn’t know anything. Cheddar was always so well-behaved. Maybe I’ll give the assignment to Diaz or Boyle instead.

CUT TO:

Terry and Zelda now taking Kevin’s place in Holt’s office.

TERRY

I wanna keep this assignment.

HOLT

Excuse me?

TERRY

Diaz and Boyle are giving me a lot of really useful tips. And by useful, I mean they’re pointing out all the things I’m doing wrong and telling me not to do those things. I think I really know what I’m doing now. I feel like I can tame any animal on the planet!

Holt’s tone is flat.

HOLT

Your family got attached to the dog, didn’t they?

TERRY

They’ll never forgive me if I give her up.

Holt rises from his desk. He takes his coat from the hanger and puts it on. He goes to exit, motioning for Terry and whistling for Zelda to come along. Zelda’s ears perk at the whistle and she watches intently as Holt goes. All her attention is transfixed on him. All Terry has to do is give a slight tug to her leash and she begins calmly trotting after Holt. Terry’s eyebrows shoot upward in surprise. He hurries after Holt.

She actually followed you when you whistled! How did you do that?

Holt looks over his shoulder without making eye contact with Zelda a single time.

HOLT

Who do you think trained Cheddar all those fancy tricks he didn’t get to perform at Peraltiago’s wedding?

Terry nods in agreement. It’s a good point. The dog and two men exit onto the rooftop balcony.

TERRY

It was also a good suggestion to walk her ‘round the block before bringing her into your office. Before, she would pee on everything.

HOLT

If you just follow my exact instructions and pay attention to Zelda’s own signals, you’ll learn the ropes of dog training. Let’s start with teaching her how to behave on a leash.

Zelda is once again trying to tear apart her new leash by chewing on it. Holt claps his hands together. The noise is so loud, it makes Terry jump and it echoes off the city buildings. It sends a flock of pigeons flapping in the opposite direction. But most importantly, it snaps Zelda’s attention away from her leash and onto Holt. Terry mumbles to himself.

TERRY

That’s amazing.

He is snapped out of his mesmerized state by Holt tossing a bag of dog treats at him. He catches it reflexively.

HOLT

Quick, give her a dog biscuit.

Terry digs through the bag and tosses a biscuit to Zelda.

Good girl, Zelda. You see, you have to reward her immediately after she does what you want her to do.

Zelda now sits at Terry’s feet, looking up at him.

Look at that. She’s not interested in the leash at all. She’s awaiting your instructions now. Give her a command.

Holt nods encouragingly at the bag of treats in Terry’s hand. Terry looks at the bag of treats briefly before motioning for Zelda to follow him.

TERRY

Zelda! Come this way!

He drops the leash and walks away from her to the other side of the roof. She eagerly follows him.

Good girl!

He throws her another treat which she gobbles up eagerly.

HOLT

I won’t say it’ll be easy, but as long as you stay on her level, she’ll listen to you.

They regroup back at the center of the balcony.

TERRY

Captain, Kevin told me about Cheddar. I’m sorry if I said anything insensitive. I had no idea what happened and I was really struggling for your help in training Zelda. That’s why I kept bugging you.

HOLT

And I apologize for giving you an assignment you had no training for. I knew if I gave Zelda to Diaz or Boyle, they’d ask too many questions. And now it seems you want to continue training her?

TERRY

I do. Also, I don’t think I’d be able to give her to anyone else at this point.

HOLT

Why not? Because you’ve grown so attached to her you can’t bear the thought of parting ways?

TERRY

Uh, no, because my girls will never talk to me again if I come home without her.

HOLT

A valid reason to complete the training. I’ll tell the K-9 unit you’ll continue training Zelda until she’s fit to take the entry exam.

TERRY

Thank you, Captain. I guess that means we should be going. Come on, Zelda. I should explain to Cagney why you still won’t apologize for ripping Moo Moo.

They return indoors. Terry leaves while Holt makes his way back to his office. Rose, Charles, Amy, and Jake stand huddled together across the way, watching.

AMY

Do you think he noticed we went in there when he was out on the roof?

JAKE

I don’t think he noticed much of anything. He’s been so off lately. He left his office door wide open. I had no idea Cheddar’s death would affect him so much.

ROSA CHARLES

We did. We did.

CUT TO:

INT. CAPTAIN HOLT’S OFFICE

Holt enters.

HOLT

Why did I leave this open?

He spots something on his desk.

Santiago, did you leave me another gift without my permission again?

He walks up to the desk to get a closer look. A single block of cheddar cheese sits on a plate in front of a floral-framed photo of the 99th precinct with Cheddar. Amy’s meek voice sounds from behind him.

AMY

Surprise…

Holt turns around to see her, Jake, Charles, and Rosa all standing in the doorway. Holt points to Amy and Jake.

HOLT

You.

JAKE

We… made you this lovely picture frame!

CHARLES

The cheese is from me! Although you probably should put it in the fridge. It’s been sitting on that plate in your office since you went outside.

HOLT

You told everyone about a dead family member whose mortality status I did not give you permission to disclose.

AMY

…So that we could make you a lovely picture frame!

HOLT

I specifically withheld that information from Detectives Diaz and Boyle.

ROSA

Come on, Captain. Your personal life was affecting your work life. Cheddar was a good dog. We just wanted to show how much we appreciated him.

Holt takes another moment to observe the photo. Amy speaks in a lowered voice.

AMY

Do you think he likes our gift? Oh no! He hates it! I knew we should have stayed out of his personal life for this one!

Holt glances back behind him.

JAKE

To be fair, Santiago was the one who warned us not to get involved.

HOLT

Oh no, I appreciate the gesture. But I physically can’t keep the cheese. It’s already stinking up my office. Sorry, Detective Boyle.

Charles bows his head.

CHARLES

I understand, Captain.

Holt goes to drop the cheese in the trash.

Wait!

Charles takes it from him before he can throw it out.

Actually, if you’re not gonna keep it, I’d like to.

Holt gives him a look.

CUT TO:

INT. THE JEFFORDS’ BACKYARD—THE NEXT AFTERNOON

Cagney, Lacey, and Cagney and Lacey’s babysitter, JOSH, watch Terry practice training Zelda in their backyard. Josh holds AVA JEFFORDS in his arms. Next to him, Cagney cradles a sewn-up Moo Moo. Terry holds a treat in his hand behind him. Zelda sits in front of him, staring at his face.

TERRY

Zelda, roll over.

Zelda does as she’s told. Terry gives her the treat.

Good girl! Lacey, you try it. This time, we’ll see if she’ll do it without the promise of a treat.

He waves Lacey over who takes Terry’s place in front of Zelda.

LACEY

Zelda!

Zelda’s attention immediately snaps to Lacey.

Roll over.

Zelda rolls over.

Good girl!

Lacey and Zelda embrace excitedly. Cagney neatly folds Moo Moo and places it out of Zelda’s reach before hurrying over to join her sister. Meanwhile, Terry makes a phone call to Holt.

CUT TO:

INT. HOLT’S OFFICE

Holt picks up the phone.

HOLT

Sergeant Jeffords! How’s it going with Zelda?

CUT TO:

TERRY—OTHER END

TERRY

It’s going great, Captain! She’s listening to everyone, even the babysitter! I’m actually getting a little worried she’s too nice to be a police dog now.

CUT TO:

HOLT—OTHER END

HOLT

Well, we’ll see. Bring her to the precinct tomorrow. I’ll tell the K-9 unit that she’s finished her obedience training, so come prepared to show off what she can do.

CUT TO:

TERRY—OTHER END

TERRY

Will do, Captain. This is exciting! I can’t wait to show you guys how well-behaved she is!

CUT TO:

HOLT—OTHER END

HOLT

I’m proud of you, Sergeant. I know you didn’t feel prepared to take on the training, but one of the reasons I gave you the job is because you can adapt to most everything.

CUT TO:

TERRY—OTHER END

TERRY

Oh. I thought it was because you didn’t wanna train a dog that reminded you of Cheddar.

CUT TO:

HOLT—OTHER END

HOLT

It can be because of multiple things, Sergeant Jeffords.

CUT TO:

TERRY—OTHER END

TERRY

Okay, whatever you say, Captain.

Cagney and Lacey giggle off-screen. Terry glances in their direction only to see them and Zelda flailing around in the sandbox. Terry garners a worried look on his face.

Uh, I gotta go now, Captain. Zelda took a dump in the sandbox and I forgot to clean it out. I better do that now before—

CAGNEY AND LACEY

Ewwww!

TERRY

Uh oh! Sorry, Captain. I gotta go. See you at the precinct.

CUT TO:

INT. THE 99th PRECINCT—THE NEXT DAY

OFFICER AMANDA CHIU of the K-9 unit speaks with Terry and Holt. They have handed Zelda over to her. Jake, Amy, Rosa, Charles, and Kevin all watch from afar.

AMY

So, you and the Captain considering adopting another kid?

Kevin cocks his head.

KEVIN

Another kid? Raymond and I have never adopted a child before.

AMY

Well, you didn’t adopt us, but we’re your children.

There is an awkward pause.

ROSA

You still see them as dads?

Kevin shows a hint of amusement.

KEVIN

And who exactly would count for all of my and Raymond’s children?

JAKE

We don’t need to do this.

AMY

Well, there’s me and Rosa and Boyle and…

Her finger roams points to each coworker as she names them, but she holds it when she reaches Jake. Kevin furrows his brow. Amy stutters.

ROSA

You should just stop talking now.

Jake’s face is red.

JAKE

It’s not our fault our dads adopted my fiancée!

Amy leaves in a huff while Rosa rolls her eyes and everyone else shifts uncomfortably.

CUT TO BLACK.


End file.
